The secret inside my Diary
by justagirlwholovestowrite
Summary: This will be my first fanfic, so don t be too hard on me. It will be a Quinntana fic, I don t own glee or any of it's characters :P. My first language is Dutch not English so my English may not be perfect at times. Rating: T for now Enjoy! Chapter 1: My first note
1. Chapter 1

I don't think anyone knows, they will all be shocked if they find out. I don't want them to find out anyway so this will be my secret for now.

Until a year ago, everyone thought I was a good Christian girl with good grades who would probably be a virgin until she's thirty or something. But then I got pregnant from a guy named Puck, I was a mess that night and Puck had convinced me to come over to his house and watch movie. I came over and he gave me something to drink, alcohol. What happened that night isn't really important what came out of it was what made it so special, a little girl came out of it named Beth. I had to give her up for adoption because my parents didn't want to have anything to do with her and I didn't have money or a house or a stable relationship, I just couldn't take care of her. She deserved to be happy. Although my parents had gone completely mental when I told them I was pregnant, they didn't kick me out if I gave Beth up for adoption. So that's where I'm living, at my very religious very strict parents' house, which is why I can't tell them about my secret. Now I should probably start writing this down, it will be the first time I actually admit it to myself, but I Lucy Quinn Fabray am in love with the most beautiful person in the world, that person happens to be a girl but not just a girl, my best friend: Santana Lopez.

~Quinn

And with that I close my diary. It's unreal for me to finally admit this to myself and I feel relieved.

'Quinn! Hold up, god you walk so fast, are you in a hurry or something?' she's walking far behind me but I immediately recognise that voice. 'Sorry Tana, I was a bit lost in my thoughts I guess.' She starts rambling about school right away. 'Quinn I know I never really took you seriously with all the studying and stuff but can you please help me with my schoolwork this year? We're seniors now and I really want to graduate and actually do something with my life you know?' I have to admit I'm a bit surprised by her words, the Latina always said she didn't need school and that she would become a singer. 'Of course I'll help you but I thought you had other plans?' 'Yes but some security is always welcome.' I understand her I want to become a successful writer one day but I'm studying hard so when the writing plan doesn't work out I'll always have something else I could do with my life. 'I'm happy to hear you're finally going to do something, I know you're very smart even though you don't believe it yourself.' I smile at her. Trust me, I'm really glad that's she finally going to act more mature this year instead of partying all year long, but the main reason I'm so happy is because I'm going to spend a lot more time with Tana this year than we already did. 'Thanks Q! I have to get to my class now, see you later!' she gave me a smile and I couldn't help smiling back at her she's so beautiful!


	2. Chapter 2: Studying

**I'm already in love with writing this story, I can't believe I didn't start earlier! My first chapter was a bit short but they will get longer I promise.**

**Chapter 2: Studying **

I can't believe I'm freaking out just because Santana is coming over to my place, she has been here at least a thousand times and after all these years, I suddenly got nervous. I keep checking my clothing and my hair in the mirror like she would actually care. I chose to wear a blouse and shorts for her.

~Quinn

The doorbell rang and I walked downstairs to open the door for Santana. 'Hi Q, you're amazing for helping me on your free night, we can watch a movie when we're finished if you want to.' I smiled at her. 'Don't worry about it I like helping people with their schoolwork, but I would love to watch a movie tonight though.' We were on our way to my room when I saw Santana checking out my outfit, she realized that I was looking at her and she giggled. 'You look amazing Q, did you have other plans tonight because I can still leave if you want to.' I blushed. 'No I dress different at home then at school you know that Tana.' 'If you say so.' She giggled again and it made me a bit uncomfortable, it was like she knew how I felt about her and she was just teasing me. I know that she's gay and that she won't judge me for falling for her but for now I just needed to keep this to myself.

'Quinn can we please stop with our schoolwork and watch that movie? I'm so done with this.' I laughed at her. 'We've only been working for an hour and you're almost finished, just twenty minutes more.' She sighed 'I'll finish this at home I just want to spend some time with my favorite girl!' Was she flirting with me? Whatever that was, I had no idea what I had to say to her so I started talking about the movie. 'Well okay, do you still want to watch a movie then?' 'Sure but please no Broadway stuff, Berry keeps telling me to watch those movies and I honestly hate them almost as much as I hate her even.' I grinned and started looking for movies we could watch together. 'I didn't know you actually talked to that girl.' I said a bit surprised. 'Well since we're both in Glee club, she thinks we have to be friends or something. She keeps following me everywhere and whatever I say or do she keeps bugging me! It's really annoying, you know how much of a bitch I can be, but even when I go all Lima Heights on her she just doesn't seem to care.' 'She's not that bad you know, but I agree she can be blind when it comes to certain signals.' I actually really liked Rachel sometimes but I didn't want to start an argument with Santana about it.

'Q, I don't want to watch a movie to be honest, I just want to talk to you. I know Rachel has been helping you a lot more during everything that was going on with your pregnancy and Beth, I kept thinking I was losing you because we were growing apart. I don't want that to happen you mean a lot me Q.' Santana pulled her arms around my waist and laid her head on my shoulder. I didn't really know what to say to her so I just hold her, and went with my fingers through her hair. 'I don't want to lose you either Tana.' I finally whispered. She looked into my eyes and I could tell by that look, that Santana felt the same changing in our friendship as I did. I suddenly saw her blushing which almost made me think that she could read my mind. 'It's like everything is changing between us and I don't know if it's a good thing or a bad thing.' She finally said. I acted like I had no idea what she was talking about. 'What do you mean?' 'Well I've never felt so comfortable and relaxed around you, sometimes you're the only person I can think about.' I didn't really want to talk about this tonight and I didn't like the direction where the conversation was going. 'We've been friends for a really long time Tana, and I'll always be there for you, I guess we're just closer than before.' She gave me a weird look I thought she was actually being hurt by what I said, or is that just what I wanted to see? Sometimes my feelings are so confusing to me that the reality and the things I just really want to see happening, become the same thing and I hate it. 'Can we please just promise each other that no matter what happens, we'll always be friends? You're the only true friend I've got and I don't know what I would do if I lost you.' Santana looked at me with a smile and gave me a hug. 'Of course I will.' She promised me.

I could hear my mom coming upstairs and pulled away from Santana, who gave me a questioning look. 'You know we were just hugging and your mom has seen us doing that a lot more in our lives?' 'My mom has changed after my pregnancy Santana you know that, she's just looking for signs to prove I'm actually a bad person and that I'm going to burn in hell. If she sees me touching you, she'll just see that as me being gay.' There was that same hurt look she gave me earlier. 'Would that be so bad?' She asked me. 'To my mom it would be, I'm sorry Tana I don't want to hurt you and you know I don't mind that you're gay. My mom on the other hand is very strict, religious and old-fashioned.' 'Whatever.' I heard my mom going downstairs again and I immediately pulled Santana back in to my arms. 'Don't be angry, I'm not ashamed of you I just don't want my mom to be mean to you, which she will be if she finds out about your sexuality.' Santana pulled me closer and I knew she accepted my apology. I just wish I could tell her the truth, that I love girls just as much as she does.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3: Telling **

**Here comes a longer one. Thank you guys for the reviews! It really means a lot to me, please keep reading this story. I love to see that people are reading this it becomes a bit silly. I will try to update this story every other day but I've got school and work so it might take a little longer sometimes!**

_I hate to hurt Santana like this, I love her and I want to show her that. Everything's in the way, my parents, my insecurities, my pride… She doesn't deserve to be treated like this, but I also don't want my mom to ban Santana from our house, I can't lose her, especially not if my mom's the cause of losing her. I will have to fight harder for her though._

_~Quinn_

'Quinn, come downstairs dinner is ready!' I hear my mom calling from downstairs. I go downstairs and my mom starts judging me immediately: 'You spend way too much time with that Santana kid, you're old and wise enough to know we don't associate with that kind of people.' 'What kind of people?' I asked a bit angry already. 'You know what I mean Quinn, they are different. Her parents let her do anything that God has forbidden. You're a good Christian girl and it's time you start to behave like one I want you to go find friends at the church, you might even find a nice guy.' I couldn't believe what she just proposed to me. 'Mom Santana is my best friend and she has been that for years, I'm not going to look for some Christian friends or a Christian guy to start a family with and who probably wants to give up my career before it even started. Santana is a great girl even though she doesn't always do what the Bible says. Let it go.' My mom responded with a sigh and no one, not even my dad, said anything during dinner.

'Hey Q, you looked a bit down in class today.' Santana said with a concerned look on her face. 'Is everything okay?' I smile at her. 'Yes I'm fine just a bit tired.' That was the worst lie I had ever told and I know Santana wouldn't buy it. 'You know you can trust me Quinn, I'll help you all you need to do is talk to me.' I love how Santana can be a huge bitch to the whole school, but an angel to those who she loved. I sighed and responded: 'I've had a fight with my mom again about the people I hang out with, she'd rather see me with some of the kids from church and she even wants me to find a Christian boyfriend. But you know how awful those people were during and after my pregnancy, not really the crowd I want to surround myself with.' Santana laughed. 'No honey you've changed too much to go back there, you're way too open-minded now. You can surround yourself with Christian people, just the ones who don't judge too easily.' I'm a bit surprised by her words, I always thought Santana hated religion but she just wants to be accepted by them. 'Look Santana, I've got my friends here in school I don't need to go find new ones just to please my mom.' 'No that's not what I'm saying at all I just know you loved going to church and I know that you love God. I also know you don't fit in to the old crowd anymore they've been also to you, but there are a lot of Christians out there who definitely would accept you!' I love how sweet San is being to me right now. 'Thanks honey, you always know what to say to make me happy again. But I have to go now I'm meeting up with Sam today.' 'Okay Q! Have fun I'll talk to you later!' 'Bye San!'

I'm starting to realize I have to tell someone about my feelings for Santana; I just can't keep them to myself anymore. She gives me butterflies every time I talk to her or see her or even when I hear her. Sam has always been a great friend to me and I can trust him with my life so maybe I should just go for it and tell him.

'Hey Q, is everything alright? You look like you're in a deep thought or something.' I look at Sam and see that he's concerned. I don't have anything to worry about with him he's a great guy he will understand. 'Well there is something I want to talk to you about; I just don't know how to start.' I could see his concerns grow more and more in his eyes. 'Quinn take your time but the last time we had a conversation like this, you told me you were pregnant so please just tell me it's not that.' I laughed a bit nervously. 'No no it's nothing like that it's not something you need to worry about.' Sam relaxed a bit which made me feel more comfortable to talk. 'Well I think this started right after I gave Beth away for adoption, she was so sweet to me and I just felt very loved and she, I don't know, I just think I love her back.' I know I was rambling but I had to spit it out. 'Slow down Q! Are you trying to tell me that you're gay? And who is this she-person?' He laughed and it made me relax a bit. 'I don't know if I'm gay Sam I just feel really connected to one specific girl.' 'And who is this girl?' He asked for a second time. 'It's Santana.' I whispered. Sam started laughing and didn't really understand his reaction. 'I knew it Q, you really need to be more careful with your looks you know. But don't worry about it, I think it's best for you to explore your feelings for Santana, you don't have to decide if you're gay immediately. Give it some time and if it turns out that Santana is the one for you, I'll be there for you. I'm happy as long as you're happy. Besides we can talk about girls together now.' He said with a grin on his face. 'Thanks Sam, it means a lot to me to hear that from you, I don't know if I'm ready to check girls out with you, but I'm glad to hear that nothing will change.' I gave him a hug. 'Just tell me of you need someone to talk to okay Q? I'm a bit worried about how you're parents are going to react to be honest. They're not particularly the most free-spirited people out there.' I sighed. 'Particularly not, but you know what? I'm done with my parents deciding what I have to do with my life, I think that I'm the one who is supposed to chose who I want to spend my life with.' I said and after that I whispered: 'And if that's Santana, so be it.' Sam smiled at me. 'I'm proud of you Quinn, it seems like you're finally directing your own life instead of letting other people do that for you. That's good change.

I had a long conversation with Sam that night and I felt relieved and even a bit refreshed when I left his house to go home. I decided to do something with his advice and find out what my feelings for Santana really meant.

When I got home I went straight to my room to clear my head.

_I had the courage to tell Sam about Santana today, I'm going to take my life in my own hands and I'm going to find out what I really want for myself. I'm not going to let anyone tell me what to do anymore._

_~Quinn_

I decided to text Santana.

**Hi San can I call you right now? I just really feel like talking to you right now.. Xx Q. **

Instead of responding she just called me right away. 'Hey Q what's up?' I could feel the butterflies fly in my stomach again. 'San yeah I'm fine I just needed to hear your voice for a second.' 'Is everything okay there I could always come over if you need me to, is it your mom again, because if she has hurt you in any kind of way I'll go all Lima Heights on that Christian ass of hers!' I laughed at how protecting Santana was being it was really cute actually. 'No Santana I just like talking to my best friend but it's sweet of you to care so much.' 'Well just make sure that no one finds out about how sweet I'm being to you because I've got a reputation to take care of at that lame ass school.' 'Everyone is going to find out about you're big heart one day Santana, there's nothing wrong with that.' I meant what I said, Santanas' badass attitude was only mask I know she's a very kind caring person. 'Whatever Q, for now it's just us who know about it and I would love to keep it that way for a while. Or forever.' 'Okay San, but I think I'm going to bed now it's late and tomorrow is a regular school day.' 'You're such a pussy sometimes it's only 11 o'clock!' Santana whined. 'I need my beauty sleep! Goodnight Tana.' She sighed. 'Goodnight Q.'

I fell asleep almost immediately that night, with Santana in my thoughts.


	4. Chapter 4

**Hello everyone! Before I start this chapter I would really like to thank the people who have followed, favorite or even reviewed to this story already I know that there are a lot bigger stories on this website but I'm really excited to see where this is going it means a lot to me! I've also made a Tumblr account for my writing please go check it out, justagirlwholovestowrite, I've just started it so it's really really small at the moment. I will try to update there every now and then. Let's get to the story shall we?**

**Chapter 4: Accepting**

_Everything around me reminds me of her, I hate it and I love it at the same time. It's damn confusing to be honest, sometimes I just wish I could tell her she's my best friend and I would normally talk with her about these kinds of things but now I can't. I don't even know if she loves me back, all I know is that she likes girls so it wouldn't be impossible. But she could still reject me. _

_~Quinn_

'Quinn you're going to church today whether you like it or not! It's time for you to finally start acting like the Christian girl we raised; sometimes I wish you were more like your sister.' My dad said angrily.

I sighed; it has always been like this. I'm the bad girl who doesn't do anything her parents want her to do and my older sister Fran who married at twenty and wants to be a housewife for the rest of her life, is my parents perfect little angel.

'I'm not going dad, I'm sick of all the crap we hear there about gay people being sinners and stuff like that! Not all churches are like that I'm more than happy to go to a church where people are actually allowed to be who they are, but I'm not going to this one.' I won't give in to my dad with this one I'm sick of hearing of how much of a bad person I really am.

'We have to go now stay home if you want to but it's your own fault if you get punished for it later in your life Quinn.'

I know my dad was furious he slammed the door close behind him and I watched him and my mom walking to church together. I felt a bit bad about these fights with my parents sometimes I love them a lot even though I can't stand them sometimes. They did raise me of course.

I decided to call Santana I just need to hear her opinion about this.

'Hi San, can I talk to you for a moment? It is about my parents this time.'

'Hi Q, of course but you can come over if you want to I'm home alone anyway.'

'Okay see you later!'

I grabbed my keys and my purse and went to Santana's.

When I came in to her house I immediately felt like I was coming home, I loved this place so much. Santana's parents are very accepting and sweet I was welcome at anytime.

'You want something to drink?' Santana asked. 'Yeah I would kill for a cup of coffee right now.' She smiled at me and I felt my whole body relax all of a sudden. God this wasn't normal anymore every time I'm around her my whole world seems to turn upside down.

We settled in on her couch. I naturally put my arms around her waist and she started to stroke her hand through my hair. I started telling her what happened earlier.

'Why don't you want to go to your church anymore Q? You used to love it there!' Santana asked. 'Well like I said they're not really in to gay people and that bothers me because you're gay and I love you too much to hear them say you're a sinner all the time.' I explained to her.

'Is it really just that Quinn?' 'What else could it be?' I realized I was blushing a bit and I prayed to God she couldn't see it. 'You're just acting a bit strange like there's something you want to tell me but you're too afraid to do it. And I don't buy the whole thing about me and the church to be honest; you didn't seem to have a problem with it before.'

I thought for a moment. 'It's not just you and the church.' I whispered, I felt really awkward telling her this and I wasn't sure if I was ready but I needed to talk to someone who knew how I felt. 'I'm not really sure what you're trying to tell me here honey.'

I sighed: 'I'm not really sure if I'm straight either San.' I couldn't even look at her; I didn't realize it was this hard to tell her. There was a silent moment before Santana kissed my cheek, I was a little surprised by it. 'How long have you been wondering about sexuality then? Why didn't you just tell me I could've helped you, you know.' She really is a sweetheart.

'I've just found out myself and I felt ashamed and scared. I'm not ready to tell the whole world about this, especially not with my parents.' I really wanted to hold Santana closer to me but I wasn't sure if that was okay right now.

'Yeah I forgot about them I'm sorry, but don't worry okay babe? We'll figure that out later on. You just need to experiment a bit with girls I guess for now to find out if you like them or not. How did you find out anyway?' Well I could have expected that question. I have no idea what I should tell her now and I don't know if I'm ready to tell the truth.

'Can we talk about that another time San? I just want to do something fun right now.' That was the worst excuse ever and Santana looked surprised by it but didn't ask about it. 'That's fine Q you've been really brave telling me this, do you want to watch a movie then?'

'I would love to watch some lame romantic comedy right now, Love Actually or something like that.' Santana looked at me with an almost offended face. 'Love Actually is an amazing movie and you know that Quinn! Don't start another discussion about this with me because you know I will win that one.' I laughed at her. 'Whatever you want San.' God I love that girl.

While we were watching the movie I could take a good look at Santana without anyone noticing. She really is a beauty everything's just right about her everything in her face and on her body matches. She's got an amazing figure and I realized I couldn't stop looking at her curves, o my God I'm actually checking her out. This is getting worse every day. I suddenly realized she was looking back at me with a huge smirk on her face.

'Quinn Lucy Fabray, you came out to me like ten seconds ago and you're already checking me out, I didn't realize you were such a perv!' She teased me.

I blushed hard. 'I wasn't checking you out San, I was just looking at what kind of shirt you were wearing.' She started laughing harder. 'That's a classic Fabray, but you're not fooling me you were checking me out, that's okay though I know I'm hot I'm probably any gay girl's fantasy.'

'I'm not even sure if I'm gay okay? And you're way too full of yourself you know that?' She started tickling me. And I started laughing: 'Please San stop okay maybe I was checking you out a little and yes you've got an amazing figure but please let me go.' She stopped and giggled: 'I just wanted you to confess you were checking me out but this is even better.'

I rolled my eyes. 'You're really annoying sometimes you know that?' 'Yes but I've also got an amazing figure.'

'Now you're never going to stop pointing that out I really shouldn't have said anything I suppose.' I pouted. 'Aw you poor thing.' She came closer to me. 'But you've got an amazing body to Blondie.' She whispered in my ear. I blushed again I don't think I've ever blushed this much on one day.

'You're cute when you're blushing.' She winked at me. 'Thanks San.' Was she flirting with me? Did she realize I was crushing on her? I was getting really nervous with all of this going on. I don't want things to be weird between us but I'm probably the most awkward person walking on planet earth when it comes down to love.

'You can really get lost in your own thoughts sometimes Quinn, I asked you if you wanted another coffee.' She smiled at me. 'Oh I'm sorry, yes thank you.'

Santana walked to the kitchen to get more coffee when I got a text from Sam: _**Are you with Santana right now? ;D. **_

I grinned Sam could be really silly sometimes.

_**Yes I am how did you know?**_

I got a text back almost immediately.

_**I went to your place to see if we could do something fun together, but there wasn't anyone home so I figured you would be at hers. But no more texting go have fun with your girl.**_

_**She's not my girl!**_

Santana came back with our coffee and I quickly put my cell phone back in to my purse again. I didn't want her to think I wasn't paying attention to her.

'So we're open for dating now?'I almost choked on my coffee. Santana started laughing at me, again. 'Relax Q I'm not saying we have to start dating right now I'm just saying we could one day.'

'I'm sorry Santana I just have to get used to idea of me dating a girl I guess.'

'That's normal Q.'

_I can't believe I told Santana about my feeling it just felt right I guess. But I think I need to be more careful with telling people because this is a small town we live in and rumors are spread within days. I do feel like I can start to accept this about myself even though I'm not really sure what my feeling for Santana mean. Is it just her or am I really gay or bisexual? I guess I've got a lot figure out, but I do know that I've got Sam and Santana with me now and they will support me no matter what and that means a lot to me. I feel blessed in a weird kind of way. Maybe I didn't get perfect parents. But I definitely got perfect friends._

_~Quinn_

**Please let me know what you think!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Hello there, I just love updating this story and I've gotten two lovely reviews so I just felt the need to keep writing. **

**Joylinda: I'm so flattered thank you! I was thinking about your comment about Santana knowing and I would love to write some chapters in her point of view because I love your idea! ;) **

**I would love to know what everyone thinks about some chapters in Santana's POV!**

**Eroseternaglee: Again, I'm flattered big time! You're right about Santana being a real flirt and I love it!**

**Any ideas for this story are welcome really!**

**Chapter 5: Loving you**

_I love spending time with Tana, she's really sweet to me and I feel like I can tell her everything. When I heard she would go shopping with Britt today I felt jealous. I care about Britt she's one of the sweetest people I know but Santana used to love her. I know they broke up and they just went back to being friends but when we're with the three of us I always feel like an outsider. Like I I'm not really wanted or needed not because of Santana she's great to me. Britt on the other hand is always trying to push me away from San and I hate it. Don't break up with someone and be all possessive afterwards. _

_~Quinn_

Because Santana is going to spend the day with Brittany, I'll be spending my day with Sam. I don't want her to think that I need her around all the time.

Sam and I decided to play some video games and just talk a little because we both didn't really feel like doing something active.

'So how are you and Tana now?' He asked me out of the blue. 'I told her that I might be into girls, she was very relaxed and casual about it actually. It didn't seem to surprise her that much.' When I told Sam about it I realized how strange that was since I've dated guys my whole life. 'Well she sure has an amazing gaydar so she might have known it for while. Have you told her you liked her?'

'No I haven't, it was a huge deal to tell her that I'm questioning my sexuality I have no idea how I should tell her that she's the reason why!' When I said that to Sam I realized that telling the world that I love Tana would be very close to impossible and not just because of my parents but also because I'm just too afraid to talk about it.

'I'm pretty sure she won't freak out about it, you just told me you thought she was flirting with you. Besides San is crazy about you even if that's just in a friendly way, she'll never want to hurt your feelings.' I like it when Sam is comforting me; he's really good at it.

'How about you Sammy any girls you like?' He started blushing. 'There are?!' I almost yelled at him.

'Relax Q yeah there's a girl I kind of like but he doesn't like me back and it's silly and stupid.'

'Look Sam I've just told you about my sexuality and crushing on Santana, now it's your turn to come clean. So tell me who this unattainable girl of yours is.' I tried to push him a little.

He sighed very deep. 'It's Rachel.' I was a bit surprised because I didn't think Sam would like that kind of girl, I always thought he needed a girl who's more down to earth and more stable.

He continued: 'But I know this won't work out she's my best friends' girlfriend and if this goes wrong I'll lose Finn and Rachel both. So I guess I just have to get over it.'

I felt sorry for him but I also knew he was right. It could become really messy if he starts to talk to the wrong people about this.

'I'm sorry for you Sam, but we'll find a sweet girl who's a lot better than Rachel and then we can double-date someday!'

He laughed: 'So you're already thinking about dating Santana? That's a big improvement you made there, maybe you should call her right now!'

I rolled my eyes. 'I didn't mean someone in particular I'm trying to cheer you up here Sam, be nice to me!' 'Thanks Q, but you don't need to cheer me up I'm fine really. I'll get over it.'

I wasn't satisfied with the answer but I needed to go home so I decided to get back to the subject as soon as possible.

'I've had a great time with you today Sam but if I really need to get going or my parents will kill me.' 'Sure Q I'll let you out.' We went downstairs and I gave him a hug before I got in my car and drove home.

When I went to the kitchen I found a note on the dresser.

_**Quinn,  
you're mom and I have some business to do out of town this weekend. You'll be home alone and we expect you to behave yourself.**_

_**Love your mom and dad.**_

I frowned, why didn't they tell me earlier so I could stay somewhere? Was it a good idea to ask Santana over? My parents won't find out about it anyway. It would be the perfect opportunity for me to find out what my feelings for Santana meant. I think she's home by now so I decided to call her.

'Hey Tana, how are you?'  
'Hi babe, I'm a bit annoyed by Britt she all of a sudden wants to get back together with me and she just doesn't understand that I'm done with this. She hurt me and I'm okay with being friend now but I will never fall in love with her again.' I have to say I felt a bit relieved after hearing that from Santana, I wouldn't have to worry about that anymore.

'I'm sorry to hear that San, you don't deserve this, maybe it's best to give her some time and space to think about it and then she'll realize that it's simply over between the two of you.'

'I guess you're right, I just wish everything was a lot easier sometimes. But I've got you to talk to at any time and that makes it better. How are you Quinnie?

'I'm fine but my parents left me a very strange note, saying they'll be out of town this weekend and I have to stay home alone. So I was wondering, do you want to stay with me this weekend?'

'Q, that's great! With no parents around we can do whatever we want to!'  
I giggled: 'Yes honey but we can't throw parties or anything like that, you know them, they are definitely going to find out about that.'

'Who was talking about partying? I just need some alone time with my bestie.'  
'Well okay, then I'll see you in half an hour I guess?' 'Yeah sure I can't wait bye Quinn.'

Less than half an hour later my doorbell rang and I ran to the front door. I couldn't help but smile when I saw her she's so beautiful and with the sun on her face she looked like almost holy, which she absolutely wasn't.

'Hey Q I've missed these sleepovers a lot lately and I'm glad we're finally doing it again.' She gave me hug and she smelled really nice like vanilla or something. 'Are you wearing a new perfume San?' She smiled at me. 'No I'm not wearing anything actually, you like my smell?' She teased me. 'I love your smell.' I whispered and I buried my face in her neck and hold her closer so she wouldn't see that my face was slowly turning red.

We went to the kitchen and I started cooking dinner for the two of us I know Santana loves spaghetti so that's what we'll have for dinner. I can't believe I'm actually trying to impress Santana with my cooking skills but it's something.

'Quinn you're a really good cook you know that? This is better than my moms' spaghetti and that says something. Please don't tell her I told you that because she would kill me but it's true!'

'Thanks San I'm glad you liked it.' I loved it when San was complimenting me on anything.

We finished our food and Santana insisted she would wash the dishes since I cooked. When she was done with that we went up to my room to watch a movie together on my bed. I was a bit nervous about sleeping in that bed with her because of the feelings I was starting to develop for her but we always slept together in the same bed on sleepovers so I would have to deal with it.

Halfway through the movie Santana decided to hold my hand and I loved it, it made me feel closer to her. She stroked my fingers a little bit and I really wanted to wrap my arms around her waist I just wasn't sure if that was alright. I couldn't concentrate on the movie anymore that's for sure. After 10 minutes I decided to become a little bolder and I put my hand on her stomach and rested my head on her shoulder.

She pulled me closer and it felt so good to be like this with her. I laid like this for while listening to her breathing and I just stopped watching the movie.

'Quinn you do realize that we've been staring at a black display for about ten minutes now right?' She played with my hair and giggled. 'O I'm sorry I was a bit lost in thoughts I guess, I really like cuddling with you, you know that San?' We were both surprised by my sudden confession I guess because even Santana didn't know what to say for a moment. 'I like cuddling with you too Quinn, a lot.' I looked into Santana's eyes and I really felt like kissing her but I knew it was too soon. Then I realized what I was thinking right now and it freaked me out a little but these realizations started bothering me less and less. I think I'm really falling for Santana, and I want to do something with these feelings.

**Thanks for reading! Please let me know what you think.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Thank you guys for the reviews again. You rock! I'm so thankful for everyone who takes the time to read this story and enjoy it. It's my dream to become a professional writer one day so every kind of criticism is welcome. Feel free to tell me what you think I should change or what you like about my story.**

**Let's get started!**

**Chapter 6:**

'Q I didn't know you were keeping a diary! I love that, it really fits you.' I froze she wasn't supposed to see that, I quickly took the little white book covered with silver flowers out of her hands.

'I'm sorry San but that diary is very personal I don't like anyone touching it.' 'No of course I'm sorry I should've asked you before taking it. I know how important your privacy is for you.' She kissed my forehead and I simply wanted to wrap my arms around her waist and tell her everything that's in that diary, but it would make things super complicated and that's not what I need right now.

I did wrap my arms around her though and took her to my bed. I loved her vanilla smell and I pulled her as close to me as possible. 'What's going on between us?' She suddenly asked. 'I mean we have never been this close before, not that I don't like it but I was just curious.'

I didn't really know what to say to her because I didn't want to lie to her, but I wasn't ready to tell her everything yet. 'I'm not sure to be honest, I've never felt like this before but I like it. Can we just let it happen? I'm not ready to have a conversation about this with my parents and I've no idea how I should tell anyone in school about it and…'

She didn't let me finish my story; instead she gave me a lingering kiss on my lips. It literally took my breath away and my heart started bouncing like crazy. She didn't let go of me and I started to relax a bit, her lips were nice and soft and it made want to do a lot more than just kissing. I felt her lips slowly removing from mine; I was disappointed about it more than anything.

'Did you like that babe?' I could only nod. 'That's all I needed to know, I liked it to by the way, a lot.' She smiled at me. I couldn't resist giving her a small peck on the lips back. She gave me a huge smile and I started blushing.

'I like you a lot Santana but I'm not sure what that means.' 'Do you need me to kiss you again? I don't care if you're ready to talk about this with the whole world or not. I just want to explore this thing that's going on between us because I really like it and it makes me happy.'

'Well first of all I wouldn't mind if you kissed me again and I like what's going on between us to, but I just need you to keep this between us for now.'

'That's fine with me Q; this can be our dirty little secret.' I laughed but she took my face in her hands and gave me another kiss. I could definitely get used to this, her lips were amazing and she didn't pressure to deepen the kiss.

She pulled away from me and giggled. 'This is going to be very interesting if you ask me, but Quinn since you just found out about your feelings for girls, I think it's better to wait a while before doing other things than a kissing and cuddling.'

'I agree with you, I just want this to be a fun thing between the two of us for now. I would like to explore my feelings for you first.'

'That's okay.' She pecked my forehead.

'Q, do you know what you want to do with your life after high school?' She asked me while we were laying on the bed watching a series on my laptop. I paused it. 'I don't actually, I really love writing an photography but my parents think I should go to law school or medical school, because that makes a better living and I've got good grades.' She raised her eyebrow.

'I think you should do the writing and photography babe, you love it! And you're absolutely amazing at it. I think it would make you a lot happier to do the things you love to do, than to do the things that you earn a lot of money with. Besides with your talent and dedication, you're probably going to be rich anyway.'

I was moved by her words, she really wanted the best for me and she wanted me to be happy which meant a lot me. But it was really hard for me to disappoint my parent again. I don't think they would let me back in the house ever, if I didn't do what they wanted me to do.

'Thanks you San I'll think about it, but it's hard because my parents have this perfect life for me in their heads and they already hate me because of the whole Beth situation, now I might have to tell them that I may never marry a guy. I don't think they would like the idea of me doing whatever I want with my career either.'

'I know it's hard but just think about it for while okay?'

'I will.' I promised her.

'Do you want to have kids maybe?' I know she was being a bit careful with that question because she was really scared of hurting my feelings. It's probably because at the very beginning of my pregnancy when I chose to give her up for adoption, I told everyone that I would never have child again because I just couldn't replace Beth. But now I feel different about it, I won't replace Beth she's still here on earth only with a real family who can give her everything she needs.

'I do want to have children one day, I know it's going to be hard but I'm starting to accept the situation with Beth more and more. I love her and wish I never had to give her away but a new child isn't going to replace her. It will be a different child in a different place and time. Beth has a good life now and I'm very thankful for that.'

'I'm happy to hear you think about it that way now Quinn, it was so sad to see you crying over Beth the whole time. I sometimes wished I could take the pain and the burden off of you, so you could be happy again. I'm glad you came out of this so strong.'

'Thank you; what do you want to do after high school?'

'Funny enough, I do want to go to medical school. I love to see how doctors can make people better and how they save lives. I've always looked up to them. And just like you I also want to have some children one day.'

'I really like that you want to go to medical school! You would feel so at your place there, helping people, saving peoples' lives. You would fit right in. I think you would be a great mother too you love kids and you understand them very well.'

'Thank you, it means a lot to me to hear that from you. I also want to travel all around the world, I don't want to die with the idea I didn't do everything I wanted to do.'

'I like that San; you're very inspirational and passionate sometimes. You could be a psychologist to you know! You give the best advice you're just a bit mean to people sometimes but I'm sure if you want to work on that, you would be a great psychologist.'

'I never really thought about psychology to be honest but I like to hear what you could see me doing in the future.'

'Just keep your eyes open, there are a lot of studies out there it's important to consider more than one so you can compare a few. Maybe you'll find something very new that you would love to do!'

'I would love to go check out some schools with you this year Quinn, I know you'll make sure that I'm not going to make a stupid choice.

'We can do that, I'm sure you'll find one you like where you can do the things you want to do.'

'That's great but I'm a bit tired to be honest Quinn can we continue this conversation tomorrow?'

'Yes that's cool with me I'm tired too. Are we going to stay in the same bed as always or do you want to sleep in the spare bedroom?' I didn't really know how to this the right way I didn't mind if Santana wanted to sleep in my bed but I didn't want things to get awkward between the two of us.

She started laughing. 'We always sleep together don't worry about it I'll stay with you unless you want me to go to the spare bedroom. But I love your company so don't think we have to be super careful with each other just because the feelings we have for one and other are changing'

'No I want to sleep in the same bed; I just wanted to check if it's okay with you.'

'I'm fine honey really.'

We started changing in to our pajamas. Santana seriously had an amazing body and I couldn't believe I had never looked at her like this before. She has the abs I have ever seen and her butt was flawless. I suddenly realized she caught me staring at her, again. She giggled.

'Well at least you can now be completely honest about the fact that you simply love my body and especially my butt. That way you don't have to suffer through another tickle fight.'

'What if I really like tickle fights with you?'I dared her.

I didn't need to say that twice because she immediately attacked my bare belly. I couldn't stop laughing and had no control over my body at all. She pushed me on the bed and started tickling me on every bare spot on my body she could find while kissing my face.

'Stop it San, I love your body and you've got an amazing butt, please stop.'

'That's what I thought.' I knew she felt really proud of herself, because she won the fight but also because I complimented her on her body. I mean what girl wouldn't love that?

'Well Quinn you've got an amazing body too, not to begin about you're perfect butt because I know how shy you get when I talk like that.'

She lay down next to me and I quickly put a shirt on. I like teasing San and getting teased by her but sleeping without a shirt on was a bit too much for now. I even decided to leave my bra on just so things wouldn't get all weird and awkward when we woke up.

'I loved today San it was incredible I have no idea how I'm going to process all of this. But it felt great.'

'Don't worry about it babe we'll figure everything out soon enough. Go to sleep now it's late and I want tomorrow to be just as amazing as today so you need to have enough energy.'

I had no idea what San was planning but I liked the fact that she was already thinking about doing fun stuff together and even go on dates maybe.

'Okay San goodnight.'

'Goodnight Q.' She kissed me softly on my lips and I smiled in to the kiss.

She wrapped her arms around my waist and laid her head on my neck. It made me feel very safe and I loved the feeling so I grabbed her hands and pulled her even closer to me.

**I hope you guys liked this chapter it was really hard for me to write because I liked the fact that they were getting a bit more intimate but I also didn't want things to go too fast. Please let me hear what you think about this chap!**

**Thanks for reading!**


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